Less Self in Self Control: Finding True Freedom Through the Spirit

When it comes to self-control, many of us have been in situations where we made promises to God that we couldn’t keep. We’ve all had those moments where we said, “God, I’ll never do that again,” only to find ourselves repeating the same mistakes. The problem isn’t our intentions—it’s our approach.

What Self-Control Is Not

Before we can understand true self-control, we need to clear up some misconceptions:

• Self-control is not self-confidence. Peter had all the confidence in the world that he wouldn’t deny Jesus, but confidence alone wasn’t enough.
• Self-control is not self-effort. Many of us have tried to white-knuckle our way through temptation, only to find ourselves more stuck than when we started.
• Self-control is not self-serving. Real self-control doesn’t make you more selfish; it frees you to serve others better.
• Self-control is not self-reliance. John 15 teaches us that apart from Christ, we can do nothing.
• Self-control is not self-assurance. It’s not just giving yourself a pep talk after making a mistake.
• Self-control is not self-sufficiency. We weren’t created to exist independently from God.

Peter’s Journey: When Self Takes Control

Peter’s story provides a powerful example of what happens when we try to control everything ourselves. In Matthew 26, Jesus tells His disciples that they will all desert Him. Peter boldly declares, “Even if everyone else deserts you, I will never desert you.” Jesus responds by telling Peter that before the rooster crows, he will deny Him three times.

Peter meant these words with all his heart. He had no intention of denying Jesus. But when the pressure came, he failed—not because he didn’t care, but because he was operating in his own strength rather than surrendering to the Spirit.

How Does Self-Control Show Up in Our Lives?

Self-Control Is Seen in Our Actions

When Peter tried to control the outcome of his promise to Jesus, he ended up drawing a sword and cutting off the ear of the high priest’s servant. His self-inflicted pressure to prove his worth led him to wound someone else.

Many of us are in the same position. Because we’re trying to prove our worth to others, we end up hurting the people around us. Our need to control every outcome and situation inflicts pain on others who don’t deserve it.

Self-Control Is Seen in Our Speech

After Jesus was arrested, Peter denied knowing Him three times. The final time, he even cursed and swore, “I don’t know the man!” This is the reality for people who lack self-control—it’s not just seen in our actions but in our speech.

Jesus said that out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. Everything that comes out of our mouths is a direct reflection of what’s in our hearts. James 3:10 reminds us, “From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not be so.”

Self-control isn’t silence—it’s surrendering your speech to the Spirit. It means that everything you say is subjected to what the Spirit would lead you to say.

The Transformation: From Control to Surrender

The good news is that Peter’s story doesn’t end with his failure. After Jesus’ resurrection, He meets Peter on the shore and invites him to follow again. In Acts 2, Peter receives the Holy Spirit, and by Acts 4, we see a transformed man.

The same Peter who cursed and denied Jesus is now filled with courage, declaring that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Did Peter’s personality change? No. Did his past change? No. The difference was that the Holy Spirit filled Peter. He didn’t pull himself together—he yielded himself to the Spirit.

The Holy Spirit Empowers Self-Control

The fruit of self-control is not about you controlling yourself. It’s about surrendering to the control of the Spirit that’s at work in your life. Unlike Peter, who tried to control the outcome to avoid failing, we need to relinquish our control.

John 15 teaches that if we focus on staying connected to the vine (Jesus), we’ll naturally produce fruit. Romans 12 encourages us to present our bodies as living sacrifices, giving up control rather than trying to maintain it.

The truth is, we’re only as strong as our weakest day. We need something stronger than ourselves guiding our lives. That’s only possible through a relationship with God through Jesus Christ and living by the Spirit.

Life Application

The fruit of self-control comes not from trying harder but from surrendering more. Here are some questions to reflect on this week:

• In what areas of your life are you trying to maintain control rather than surrendering to the Spirit?
• How might your actions and speech change if you focused more on staying connected to Jesus than on avoiding sin?
• What would it look like to be “filled with the Spirit” in your daily decisions and interactions?

This week, instead of focusing on controlling yourself, practice surrendering control to God. When temptation comes, rather than white-knuckling it, turn immediately to prayer. Say, “Lord, I can’t do this on my own. I need Your Spirit to guide me.”

Remember, self-control isn’t about having more self—it’s about having more of God and less of yourself. As John the Baptist said, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” That’s where true freedom is found.